dshael: (bat-mug)
[personal profile] dshael
This is the beginning of a fic I may or may not finish. I know it has problems, but if anyone cares to point them out to me I'd be grateful. What works? What doesn't?

Batman is crouched on the edge of the roof among the gargoyles, brooding over the streets below. It has been a quiet night. He stares unblinkingly into the drop, until his contemplations are interrupted by a flash of red above him, almost gray in the tentative light of early dawn. Superman floats gently down to him, smiling. His eyes are warm as he speaks to his friend. He makes conversation, asks him about his plans for the day.

Batman plans to return home to sleep. Superman is not offended by his curt answers. This is the long pattern of their friendship.

"Clark Kent will be in Gotham today. For the environmental conference. Maybe he could buy a billionare lunch?" - that was new. An invitation. Purely social. Under the cowl, Bruce hesitates. Superman had been dropping by Gotham rather more often than usual. Batman had assumed it was business - the other hero had always offered a concrete reason for his presense - but this was unmistakably personal. He feels a wave of emotion that he classifies as irritation. Clark was being distracting.

"Unfortunately, all the billionares I know of are too busy for social lunches. These conferences are big business for Wayne Enterprises."

He feels a twist in his gut at the look of hurt disappointment in Kal-El's blue eyes. He wants to fidget, to look away, but the Batman never fidgets. He adjusts a glove instead.

"Maybe another time then," Kal offers quietly. Before Bruce can say something cutting and final, he is gone. Bruce lingers on the ledge for long minutes, staring blindly into the canyon of the street. Why had his instinctive reaction been to retreat, to defend? Clark wasn't his enemy. Before the rising sun's rays strike the rooftop, he too is gone.

Date: 2007-06-26 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arch-schatten.livejournal.com
Well, I think it works! I would suggest that you add what is Batman brooding about or if he's just watching his city.. I know Batman's mind is never idle and brooding is his thing, but it's.. a bit.. vague? maybe?

It feels like Clark is trying to woo the paranoid Bat, which is something I'm always delighted to see! I would love to read more of it! Go you!

(I recently friended you, I hope it's okay!)

Date: 2007-06-27 01:08 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (Default)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
but it's.. a bit.. vague? maybe?

Hmm, yes. You make a good point. Needs fleshing out.

Clark IS wooing the Bat! :) But very gently.

Thanks for the comment, and for the advice! If I show things like this to anyone in RL they tell me it's very nice, but who are these people again?

(I recently friended you, I hope it's okay!)

Of course it's okay, I'm delighted. Also I friended you first, and I think I got the better end of the deal. ;)

Date: 2007-11-24 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jij.livejournal.com
He feels a wave of emotion that he classifies as irritation.

*glee* That's the Bat, all right! I really love when Bruce can't seem to quite figure out what all these...emotion-thingies...are.

And I really like the second paragraph, it seems like such a concise summary of their dynamic, somehow. :)

Date: 2007-11-24 10:26 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (Default)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
"emotion-thingies"... LOL. Yeah. Can you analyze them with the Bat-computer? :D Thanks for reading and telling me about it, this was such a sketchy little fragment I'm not sure I should have posted it. I'm glad you enjoyed. :)


dshael: (Default)

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