dshael: (iiiiiiiii'm so sad and looooonely)
[personal profile] dshael
Title: Still Pretty
Character: Jack
Summary: Jack introspection, pre-Torchwood series one. Brooding on rooftops like Batman (he was a drama queen too.)
Warning: Besides the one for drama queens? Abuse of italics. Some impolite language.



It all felt so close tonight. He looked at the lights of the city and they seemed to blend seamlessly with the stars, and he was out in space again, on a ship that could take him everywhere, with people who didn't see him as a dangerous and disgusting deviant without even the decency to keep his shame hidden. People who didn't manufacture shame out of the most natural and human impulses. People who didn't think it right to punish two lovers with a swift and painful death by hanging if they were lucky, or a slow body-breaking sentence of hard labor if they weren't, just for happening to share the same gender - but would call the brutal beating of a defenseless young woman her husband's god-given right.

This planet was so small, so limited and stifling... It was hard to believe his own world had grown from it. Magnificent and uplifting to know on the good days, but he was tired of it now and he wanted to go back to the real world. He wanted to go home, which was fucking hilarious, right? Because home was gone. He'd lost the right to it when he'd let his brother go - his cowardice had been punished by the eternal loss of safety. Nobody would ever hold him close and tell him it'd be all right, ever again, or if they did he wouldn't believe them.

He'd thought, just briefly, that he'd found home again, and sworn not to make the same mistakes. He hadn't been a coward on the Tardis. He'd gone to his death for the Doctor and Rose, but it hadn't stuck. He'd gasped back to life, a coward again, unworthy, and home had left him behind. Again and again over the years he'd tried to bargain it back - he'd been a damned hero, given his life and pain for others and never counted the cost, but the familiar grinding whooshing sound of his safe haven had never come again.

He'd never gone back to his cowardice, but he'd lost his heart along the way. It was so hard to know what the right thing to do was, so he'd hidden his uncertainties behind a cold mask of indifference until he'd forgotten there was anythng behind it. Sometimes a rare soul would cross his path to remind him of a better way. But it had grown harder and harder to change. Jack was an old man. He was cold and ruthless, he played games with lives and hearts, the blood would never wash off of him.

He stood on a Cardiff rooftop waiting for the Doctor to save him from the monster he'd become. The Doctor fixed things - he could fix even this. Jack should never have woken from death on Satellite Five, and if the Doctor would only come and get him, damn it he could take whatever it was that kept the shell of him animated, (a shambling corpse of a once-loving soul, but still pretty) out of him, out, and give him the only peace and safety he deserved. He would. Jack had never doubted the Doctor.

Date: 2010-04-13 01:21 pm (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
Bwah - grgll - ewrt - guh!

You. Have to. Stop. Saying you can't. WRITE!

Instead, you have to start writing lots and lots of fic. Right now. I still want that post-DD one you promised!

Because You. Are. Great!

This is incredibly well done - I can taste the bitterness, feel the longing. *shudders*

You are a writer, dammit! Now write!

Date: 2010-04-13 02:17 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (grin)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
::blushes:: I made you speak another language! Yay! LOL.

:D Thanks.

Working on it.

...did I ever actually promise anything, though? ::suspicious::

Date: 2010-04-13 02:23 pm (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
Well, *I* absolutely remember it as a promise, and so does my cat, I just asked her!

Date: 2010-04-13 02:26 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (vulture blue)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Well, it doesn't sound like me, but if your cat says so.... :D

Date: 2010-04-13 02:28 pm (UTC)
yamx: (0books_em)
From: [personal profile] yamx
Could this face lie?

Date: 2010-04-13 05:12 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (grin)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
D'aww, NO. ::pets the screen::

Date: 2010-04-13 05:16 pm (UTC)
yamx: (0books_em)
From: [personal profile] yamx
>^..^< *preens*

Date: 2010-04-13 02:32 pm (UTC)
trobadora: (Default)
From: [personal profile] trobadora
*sniffles* Poor Jack!

I agree with [livejournal.com profile] yamx - that's some great writing there.

Date: 2010-04-13 05:11 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (bat-mug)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Not a happy time for him! And thank you kindly. :)

Date: 2010-04-13 05:47 pm (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
Btw - you should really post a link to this in dw_fiction. :)

Date: 2010-04-13 11:23 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (bat-mug)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Nah, not this one. I don't feel it stands on its own -- believe it or not, I only posted it for archival purposes. But seriously - thanks for the encouragement. You made my day! :)

Date: 2010-04-14 05:37 am (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
Well, it's your choice, obviously, but I do think it stands on its own. Well, not "its own," but one doesn't need anything beyond canon to understand it...

But I'll shut up now. :)

Date: 2010-04-15 01:41 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (holmes)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
I have kind of... a fic universe. In my head. And I was fooling around a little, figuring out what people were like at different points there, and that's what this is. But it's not a story.

And don't shut up! But no, you won't change my mind. ;)

Date: 2010-04-15 05:43 am (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
It's not a story, no, but it's a beau-ti-ful character study, and as such can stand perfectly on its own.

But - there's a fic 'verse? Write it! Write it!

Date: 2010-04-13 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kae-nine.livejournal.com
[livejournal.com profile] yamx pointed me to this story, and I'm very glad she did. Very well written; I could feel Jack's bitterness and pain as I read. Nicely done!

Date: 2010-04-13 11:20 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (Default)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Date: 2010-04-14 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lindenharp.livejournal.com
This is beautifully crafted. Poor Jack, feeling a shell of bitterness and cynicism hardening around him as he waits for the Doctor.

And you should definitely post this to dwfiction.

Date: 2010-04-15 01:43 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (ooh shiny)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
"A shell of bitterness and cynicism" - oh, yes. Just like that! And things don't turn out like he'd hope, either. :(

I don't plan on posting this one to any communities, but thanks for saying so! :)

Date: 2010-04-15 12:36 am (UTC)
ext_348818: Jack Harkness. (permission to sin)
From: [identity profile] canaana.livejournal.com
(a shambling corpse of a once-loving soul, but still pretty)

I love this turn of phrase.

Date: 2010-04-15 01:46 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (grin)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Oh, awesome! That means a lot, from you. ;) Actually, I'm not sure I wrote that line - up till I was about to post it, the sentence ended at 'soul', but some proto-Jack in my hindbrain came forward and added the 'pretty' part, LOL.

Date: 2010-04-15 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ana-rpm.livejournal.com
Oh, wow. Poor Jack. You had me near tears with this. Short and incredibly powerful.

Date: 2010-04-15 01:47 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (vulture blue)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Hey, thanks! Can't think of any higher praise. :)

Date: 2010-04-15 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tardis-stowaway.livejournal.com
Nicely written introspection here! Very Jack.

Date: 2010-04-15 07:22 am (UTC)
ext_17795: (Default)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
Well thank you! :)

Date: 2010-04-26 11:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com
This planet was so small, so limited and stifling... It was hard to believe his own world had grown from it. Magnificent and uplifting to know on the good days, but he was tired of it now and he wanted to go back to the real world. He wanted to go home, which was fucking hilarious, right? Because home was gone. He'd lost the right to it when he'd let his brother go - his cowardice had been punished by the eternal loss of safety. Nobody would ever hold him close and tell him it'd be all right, ever again, or if they did he wouldn't believe them.

Oh, lovely! And very sad.

I'd like more Jack stories, please! I like your Jack POV. *asks nicely* :)

Date: 2010-04-26 11:38 pm (UTC)
ext_17795: (iiiiiiiii'm so sad and looooonely)
From: [identity profile] dshael.livejournal.com
::blushes:: Thank you! Glad you like him here. And I'm working on it. But, um, I wouldn't hold your breath. :/

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